Tech industry Jokes

Here are some jokes from my industry. Enjoy.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t

Caution: Do not stare into the fiber optic laser with remaining good eye.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. That’s a hardware issue.

I know a great IPv6 joke, but I don’t think you’re ready for it.

I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but they are all exhausted…

A BGP packet walks into a bar.
He rudely interrupts anyone talking to him, and says, “I only talk to my neighbors”.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and an IT guy are driving back from dinner.
They drive up the hill and then down the hill.
At the base of the hill the car dies.
They all get out of the car and the mechanical engineer says, “I got this, it’s just something up with the engine”.
The electrical engineer says, “Not quite, this is definitely a problem in the wiring causing a misfire, I got this.”
While they bicker the IT guy speaks up, “Hey, why don’t we just roll it back up the hill and try it again?”

A programmer is going to the store.
His wife says “get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says “why did you get so much bread?”
He says, “they had eggs.”

A TCP packet walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer.”
The bartender replies, “You want a beer?”
The TCP packet replies, “Yes, I’d like a beer.”

A UDP packet walks into a bar, the bartender says “Hello, what can I get you”.
The UDP packet doesnt acknowledge.

An IPv6 packet walks into a bar.
No one talks to him.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

Hey IT Support, I have a quick question.

How can you tell your Sysadmin’s an extrovert?
He stares at YOUR shoes when he talks to you.

How do you get someone with a CCNA off your porch?
You pay for your pizza.

How do you hack into the systems of a secure government agency?
Leave an infected USB drive lying in the parking lot.

I was always told that Ubuntu was Swahili for “he who does not understand Slackware”

I was telling my workmates a TCP joke the other day,
I had to keep repeating it slower and slower until they got it.

I’d tell you a joke about UDP, but you probably wouldn’t get it.
I might get it, but I wouldn’t acknowledge it.
Statistically speaking, you probably would get it, but we may never know if you got it or not.
Not like you would care if I got it anyway.

Java is to Javascript as ham is to a hamster.

How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just declare darkness the new standard.

What’s the best thing about telling UDP jokes?
You don’t care when nobody gets them.

Telling a friend you broke your backbone has an entirely different meaning in IT

The best thing about 404 jokes is… wait, damnit, it’s around here somewhere…

The good thing about UDP jokes is that I do not care if you get them or not

Ubuntu is an African word meaning ‘I can’t configure Debian’

What did the router say to his doctor?
Doc, it hurts when IP.

What does networking seal say?
Arp! Arp! Arp!

Why don’t jokes work in base 8?
Because 7 10 11

Q. What did the OSPF router say to the other OSPF router ?
A. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

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